Who Wears Short Shorts? No One, I Hope.

When Mrs. Chicken e-mailed to ask if I would write about shorts, I immediately said YES! OF COURSE! Shorts are an inevitable part of summer, and not only because they are practical on hot hot days; there is, I think, an undeniable allure to wearing shorts, just like we did when we were kids and summer was all about climbing trees and riding bicycles and having fun. But even when you are releasing your inner child, there are some grown-up rules about shorts to keep in mind.

Let's start with what I think of as the Only Unbreakable Fashion Rule: No One Wants to See Your Underwear. This is true no matter what piece of clothing we're talking about. If you opt for a pair of shorts with a lower waist, please pair them with underwear that ALSO has a lower waistband. When you bend over, we should not see the top of your panties peeking out of your shorts. By the same token, your shorts should be long enough that we're not seeing ANY OTHER part of your underwear, if you catch my drift.

So how long is long enough? The most flattering length is something that hits just above the knee, about three inches above your kneecap. You also want to choose something with a proportioned leg opening--not too tight, but not too loose. Look for shorts that fit you in the same way pants would; if your shorts are saggy through the thighs, your whole bottom half will look gigantic, no matter what size you really are.

When you think about proportion, consider details on the shorts as well. Back flap pockets and cargo pockets will add extra bulk to your shorts, and to your butt and thighs. The most flattering shorts have either horizontal or slant pockets in the front and flat pockets without flaps in the back. Don't overload the pockets of your shorts with stuff; that's what a handbag or tote is for.

Once you've found the perfect shorts, think about what you will wear them with. For a casual Saturday, pair chino shorts with a fitted tee or graphic tee, or a polo shirt. Be sure, of course, that your top and bottom meet up appropriately and that your mid-section isn't on display when you sit down or reach up. Add a pair of athletic-inspired shoes or flat sandals and you're ready to hit the zoo or the park.

If you're going somewhere a little nicer--dinner with friends, say, or an open house--pair your shorts with a summery blouse and a pair of ballet flats or wedge espadrilles. Shoes with a little heel are fine with shorts, as long as the heels aren't too high and the shorts aren't too short. Choose a shoe with a boxy or rounded toe, which is more casual than a pointed toe.

Think, too, about balancing tops and bottoms; a longer top is better with a longer short, while shorter shorts look better with tops that hit at or above the hip, as far from the shorts' hemline as possible. Tank tops are best with shorter shorts, while tunics are better with longer shorts.

I like the look of a pair of crisp, cotton-blend shorts with a twin set or cropped jacket, but I am opposed to the shorts suit. If you're going to wear a suit, then WEAR A SUIT; if you're going to wear shorts, keep it playful and casual, even if you pair your shorts with a jacket. Like jeans, shorts are acceptable nearly everywhere, but I don't recommend them for the office or for any function taking place in a house of worship. Wear a dress or skirt or light-weight trousers to work or to a wedding and save your shorts--even those nice seersucker shorts--for playtime.

Treat your shorts like real pants; wear them with cute shoes and tops, and choose fabrics that will wash and wear well. If you are going somewhere a little spiffier than the park, take five minutes to iron your shorts, or at least toss them in the dryer and hang them while they're still warm. Shop for shorts in the way you would any other piece of clothing: look for shorts that fit and flatter and will work with what you own. Look for styles that are classic and will last beyond this one season. Wearing shorts doesn't mean giving up; you can look just as pulled-together in a pair of shorts as you do in a suit. You just need to take five minutes and pay attention to the details.


Susan Wagner is a freelance writer and professional blogger and unrepentant shoe shopper. She lives in Oklahoma City with her husband and their two sons, Henry and Charlie, who will ONLY wear tee shirts and soccer shorts. She writes about fashion at Friday Style and at BlogHer. She wears yoga pants more often than she would really like to admit.