If I Knew Then What I Know Now

When The Poo was about three weeks old, Mr. Chicken called me and asked if he could go to a happy hour after school. Mind you, this was only the first week he was back at work following her birth – and therefore my first week on my own.

You see it coming, don’t you?

I said no, very calmly. And then he pushed me. Why not? It was just happy hour. What was the big deal?

Yeah. I FREAKED. Rage is a mild word to describe the emotion that took me over. I remember getting a glimpse of myself in the mirror, red-faced and shrieking. In a rare out-of-body moment, I thought to myself, “Who IS that crazy lady?”

If only the women who wrote “Babyproofing Your Marriage” had been around then. Instead of flying into a rage, perhaps I would have understood that Mr. Chicken was as overwhelmed as I was, and he needed that time away.

Now, I’m not usually one for the self-help section, but I volunteered to review this book for The Parent Bloggers Network. And dude, there are some chapters that speak to me. Chapters that I really wish I’d read before we had The Poo.

Stacie Cockrell, Cathy O’Neill and Julia Stone are all married and they have seven children between them. One look at their author photo and I thought I had them pegged – smug, perfect wives and mothers. But their book belies that first impression.

“Babyproofing Your Marriage” talks about some of the universal truths and trials of marriage after children – the nightmare of that first month, domestic inequality, sexual tensions (not the flirty kind), and in-law troubles.

The chapter on domestic inequality really struck a chord with me. Mr. Chicken and I are what the authors call “scorekeepers.” We keep lists of what the other one has done or not done, and we use that list against each other in fights:

Me: You never take out the garbage!
Him: Oh yeah? Well, I haven’t had a clean pair of socks in three weeks!

Good times, good times.

I didn’t expect it, but book really made me think about all the stuff Mr. Chicken does do – without being asked. Like cleaning the bathrooms every week, picking up the family room every night while I bathe The Poo, and paying all the bills. He’s also just a really great dad, one who isn’t afraid to get on the floor and play dollies.

Lots of other stuff in the book reminded me of things I’ve said and done to make my marriage harder than it needs to be. It was good to take a really hard look at how I act, and the reactions I engender. The authours outline some simple solutions for issues like the aforementioned scorekeeping and other problems, including how to divvy up time between your parents and his.

I only have one caution – do NOT read this book if you are pregnant with or considering having another child. The section about parenting more than one kid was TERRIFYING. At least it was to me. It seems as though you all with two or more kids are, um, totally losing it. If you are on the fence about No. 2, this could end the debate for you.

Now if only I could get Mr. Chicken to read it. Sure, right after his dissertation is finished … ahahahahahahahahah!